My husband always laughs at me, and it’s not because I’m hilarious (although I like to think I am). He laughs at my notebook obsession. My behavior seems to suggest that I believe buying a new notebook will solve 95% of life’s problems.
People...I LOVE buying notebooks. I love them.
Before I buy one, I always plan what I’ll use it for (so that I feel justified purchasing it). This one is a journal; that one is for business ideas. This one is to track my goals; that one is for writing to-do lists. Even I can admit it's a little out of hand.
I tell you all this to build an ounce of credibility with journaling. I’ve tried it all. I have a notebook for everything you could possibly imagine (and probably some things you would have never imagined). Journaling is an integral part of my mental health but it wasn’t always that way. It took me a while to understand why journaling has physical, mental, and emotional health benefits.
When I was a kid, I was encouraged to start a journal. I was told that it’s good to write things down so that future generations can have a record of what it was like when I was growing up. I was told we’d look back and laugh at how inexpensive bread, gallons of milk, and gas were. (remember when it was $1.00 for a gallon of gas?!) Although I didn’t realize it at the time, this paradigm filtered my journal entries. I knew everything I wrote could be read by my grandkids 100 years from now. And that’s a lot of pressure.
I kept a journal throughout high school and college and I always felt I was being honest with what I wrote. The stories were honest; they were real according to my perspective, but I was very aware of the filter I wrote with. I’d write things like, “I felt really sad today, even though I know I shouldn’t have been”. I categorized my emotions as right/wrong/good/bad, rather than letting them be what they were. I was basically saying, “hey future grandkid, I know this might make me sound irrational but at least I realize it.”
During a particularly anxious time of my life, I stumbled on an exercise called The Morning Pages and it changed everything for me. The idea behind The Morning Pages is that you write three pages of your stream of consciousness first thing in the morning. Anything that comes to your mind...you write it. Then after finishing your writing, you close your notebook until the next day. Once the notebook is complete, you leave it alone and DO NOT go back to read it over. No examining of your thoughts afterwards. Just write and then forget it. This was the first time I wrote without the idea of someone going back to read it. It was so freeing to write all my thoughts down knowing its a judgment free zone. I wasn’t judging myself for what I wrote or how I felt.
A few years later, I learned about the idea of “shitty first drafts” (or SFDs) from Dr. Brené Brown in Rising Strong. The concept here is that when we feel shame or are reckoning with a difficult situation, it’s beneficial to write an SFD. Write down whatever you’re thinking, absolutely no filter. If you want to write something completely crazy and irrational, you do it. Write like you’re throwing a tantrum. Talking of her own experience with SFDs, Dr. Brown says, “I can promise that you will meet the romping, tantrum-throwing five-year-old Brené in almost all of my first stories...Our rational, grown up selves are good liars. The five-year-old tyrants within us are the ones who can tell it like it is”. This exercise gets you to write the truth of what you feel. Once it’s on paper, you can work with it because at least you know your real thoughts. And no one will ever read this draft. It’s safe to fully express yourself. It’s the first draft of the story you’re telling yourself. Knowing it’s a “first draft” leaves room for you to clarify and work through the details later. It gives you a starting place.
If you aren’t journalling, I’d encourage you to start. Start small. Write for two minutes. Write one word. But write something and do it consistently. Put a pen to paper; no typing.
If you are journaling but feel like you have to fit a mold with what you write, this is where I encourage you to write freely. Buy yourself a new notebook (maybe I’ll get one too) and write just for you. Write your thoughts, feelings, angers, sadnesses, emotions. Write your process and your journey. Rip pages out. Scribble your frustrations. Burn parts of it. Whatever you want to do.
We value authenticity in our culture. We are encouraged to be “real” and get vulnerable. That is extremely difficult in a society that provides judgment and criticism at every turn. Your journal is a place to be you. It’s a safe place to express emotion, discover healing, and grow through your challenges.
Ditch the filtered journal.
“Sharing feelings through a journal, a special place to unleash emotions, can help reduce stress and increase emotional intelligence. We are entitled to those feelings, whether it is anger towards someone, untangling a messy situation, or self-reflection, a journal is a safe place to vent, blurt out, and brag without appearing foolish. If we are encouraged to be non-judgmental, peace-loving humanitarians who endure every situation with strength, patience, grace, and a smile, a journal can be that dark place where it is okay to have that epic Charlie Sheen or Kanye West style rant and still have friends”
-Joanne Broder Sumerson Ph.D. The Art of Journaling (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/research-notes/201501/the-art-journaling)
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