Some of the most frequent challenges I hear from client’s revolve around motivation. We all seem to have trouble staying motivated. We start with a tank full of it. We’re feeling good, setting goals, and ready to make changes! Fast forward a few weeks later and we’ve “lost” it. But where in the world did it go and how can you get it back?
Motivation can be tricky… but, it doesn’t have to be. Whenever you’re setting goals or making changes, it’s important to know where your motivation comes from. Your reason for change matters. Like, a lot.
TYPES OF MOTIVATION
Before we proceed, it’s important to understand the two types of motivation; it can be intrinsic or extrinsic. Intrinsic motivation comes from within; you’re inspired to act because of an internal desire. Extrinsic motivation comes from an external factor, something apart from yourself that encourages you to act/behave a certain way. For example, an intrinsic motivation might be deciding to start a meditation program because you want to feel greater peace throughout your day. An extrinsic motivation might be quitting smoking because your doctor tells you have to in order to have a necessary surgery.
Intrinsic motivation is gold. This is where real, lasting change usually begins. That’s not to say extrinsic motivation isn’t important though; it can just be a bit trickier to maintain. With extrinsic motivation, there are typically two things you’re looking for when you decide to act; either you want to gain a reward or avoid a punishment. For example, you’re motivated to drive the speed limit because you don’t want to get a speeding ticket (avoiding a punishment). Or you work really hard towards a sales goal because you want to receive a monthly bonus (gain an incentive). Extrinsic motivations don’t come from within, but there is still something you’re getting out of it.
What all this means is that your reason for change matters. It’s important to understand what type of motivation you’re feeling. This is the key to unlocking lasting change. Once you know what kind of motivation you’re dealing with, you can know how to fan the flame and keep it going.
Intrinsic motivation leads to change because it typically relates to a core value. There’s something important to you that is inspiring you to be more in line with your values (To use an earlier example, you value feeling at peace and meditation will align you with that value.). Extrinsic motivations are harder to keep alive. When it really comes down to it, how much do you truly care about not getting the speeding ticket or having the monthly bonus. Depending on your current situation, it may not be very much. However, if you can relate an extrinsic motivation to an intrinsic one, it’s much easier to continue pursuing the goal.
THREE LAYER WHY
The Three Layer Why is an exercise I do with my clients to help find an intrinsic motivation for something that seems only extrinsic. Once you find the internal desire you can relate it to what you value and understand how the change can truly benefit you. So here’s how it works. I want you to think of a goal you have that you feel extrinsically motivated to achieve.
Got one?
Ok, get your pencil ready.
First, I want you to write out the goal or behavior that you want to work on.
Example: I want to lose weight.
Next, ask yourself, “why do I want to do that?”. This will be your extrinsic motivation.
Example: I want to lose weight because swimsuit season is coming up.
Next, ask yourself, “why is that important to me?” This is where you’ll consider what “punishment” you might be trying to avoid or what “reward” you’re trying to achieve.
Example: I don’t want to feel uncomfortable with myself while at the pool this summer (punishment). I want to be able to enjoy myself instead.
Finally, ask yourself, “how does this align with what I value?” Here is where we’re pulling in an intrinsic motivation. This gets to the core of what you’re really wanting.
Example: I value having fun, memorable experiences and feeling free to participate in all the activities I want to do.
Look at you go! Now you’ve gotten to the heart of what you really want. This is what will be important to focus on when working towards your goal. Losing weight because you want to have fun, memorable experiences that you can look back on with joy is going to be more motivating than losing weight because you feel obligated to for swimsuit season.
Even though the motivation didn’t change, your perspective on the motivation changed and that counts for something! When you recognize an intrinsic value with your goal (even if you feel the overall motivation is extrinsic) you’re more likely to keep pursuing it.
When you feel like you’re “losing motivation” focus on the deeper value. Extrinsic motivation sometimes requires a ‘fake it til you make it’ approach. As you continue working towards the goal, the motivation tends to shift towards being more intrinsic.
Any goal that you feel is important is achievable, regardless of the reason or type of motivation. What matters is that you keep working towards it; and when you know your why, you’ll keep trying.
And I have full confidence that if you keep trying, you’ll get there.
Comentários