I’m writing to you in the midst of the COVID-19 pandemic and life looks A LOT different than it did just a few weeks ago. Most of the country is under some kind of “stay at home order”. Schools are closed, events are cancelled, and there’s no telling when we’ll be back to “normal” (or what that “normal” will look like).
Because of these changes, a lot of our habits and routines have gone out the window. If you’re like me, this may be causing some stress and anxiety. However, on the positive side, this can be a great time to evaluate our routines and establish new, mindful habits.
A lot of times our habits are formed unconsciously. We never decided on them; we just lived our lives and they formed naturally. Our brains form habits so that they don't have to constantly make decisions. Habits take the guesswork out of your daily routine. You don’t have to decide when or if you’re going to brush your teeth in the morning, you just do it.
When you’re wanting to establish a new habit on purpose, there are three steps you need to consider.
Cue
Behavior
Reward
CUE
Each new habit starts with a cue. The cue triggers you to perform the habit.
When establishing a habit, it’s helpful if the cue is something you’re already doing consistently. Think about what behaviors you’re doing daily. These could be great activities to use as a cue.
Also keep in mind that location matters when deciding on a cue. If your cue takes place in your bedroom but your desired habit is in the kitchen, it’s going to be hard to stick too. Pair your cue and behavior in a way that makes it easy to complete.
BEHAVIOR
When you’re starting out with a new habit, it needs to be so simple. I mean so simple. Keep the behavior TINY. We’re motivated to do what is easy. Whatever your end goal is, scale it down to the very first step. If your habit takes more than 30 seconds to complete, it is probably too big to start with.
Habits are formed on consistency, not on the amount of time spent doing them. The more you show up to do the behavior, the faster the neural pathways in your brain will form. The behavior needs to be something you can confidently commit to doing at least daily.
Let’s say you want to start a habit of daily exercise, a good first step might be to put your shoes on each day. That’s it. It’s possible that once you get your shoes on, you’ll feel like going out for a walk. If so, that’s great! Your habit was the gatekeeper to greater productivity. But even if you don’t feel like going for a walk, it’s still important to put your shoes on.
When you’ve mastered the 30 second habit, you can build on it. Add something that takes another minute or two. As you progress, you’ll increase the time spent doing the habit.
REWARD
Basic human behavior tells us that we repeat things that feel good and we avoid things that don’t. In order to establish a routine, there has to be a reward immediately after you complete the behavior. The reward increases the likelihood that you’ll show up and do it again. If you don’t get pleasure from it, you’re not going to do it.
Rewards can be simple; don’t overcomplicate it. Visual cues are great rewards. Marking your habit on a habit tracker and seeing your streak continue is rewarding. Putting a marble (or some other small item) in a jar every time you finish your habit is rewarding. Positive thoughts are also a great reward. Taking a deep breath and thinking that you’re proud of yourself for continuing is rewarding. You don’t need a material or food reward to establish a habit. Be creative. Think about what would help you feel good about your accomplishment.
KEEP IN MIND
Establishing a new habit is never a perfect system. You will miss your cue. You will skip the behavior or reward. The important thing to keep in mind is to keep trying. James Clear says, “The problem is not slipping up; the problem is thinking if you can’t do something perfectly, then you shouldn’t do it all”.
When your car gets a flat tire, you don’t say “well I messed that up, I guess I’ll pop my other four tires and try driving again on Monday”. Don’t do that with your goals. Don’t wait for Monday to “start again”.
If you miss a day, think about what happened. What made the habit difficult to complete? How can you adjust the cue, behavior, or reward to make it easier or more appealing to stick with next time?
Remember the importance of consistency. Missing a day happens, but don’t miss your habit twice. Sometimes a line moves really slow (...DMV…) but if you stay in the line, you will always get to the front. The only thing that can stop you from getting there, is ditching the line. Show up for yourself even when you don’t feel like it.
If you’d like to learn more about establishing habits, there are several great books you can read. Here are three that I recommend:
I’ve also made a worksheet to help walk through this process. If you’d like to download a copy, click here.
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